Removing the Mask




By: Rachel 

     I am a people-pleaser. I naturally like to go with the flow and just do what I think other people expect of me. I used to feel that only when I live up to other people’s expectations can I have value. I believed that I should not show my true self to people, because then they may not accept who I really am underneath the mask I wore.

     This attitude also affected my walk with God. I wanted to please Him, too, and I thought if I worked a little harder I could maybe live up to His expectations. This need to please people and please God by my own self-effort created a roller-coaster of highs and lows, of success and failure.

     I hit an extreme low at the end of my freshman year of college. One of my closest friends suddenly seemed to lose interest in being my friend. With no explanation, this friendship was suddenly over. I felt like I had done something wrong to deserve rejection and I felt a sense of insecurity in myself. I was finding so much of my value in the friendships I had, and now I felt like I must not deserve these friendships. Throughout the next year, I felt like I was dealing with it, but in reality I was wearing a mask, pretending that everything was fine when I was really still hurting inside.

     A year after this, I went on a summer mission trip with a campus ministry group called Cru. As I got to know my team, I realized that they wanted to know the real me – the person behind the mask. It scared me to be that vulnerable, because I was so afraid of rejection. But as the summer progressed, I began to let people in with the help of mentors and team members. This strong community made me feel safe so I was able to show them who I really am. It was then I was finally able to begin to heal.

     My team showed me true friendship and also reminded me that God’s love is truly unconditional. I fail every day and I deserve to be rejected by God, but He loves me so much that He sent His Son to take the punishment that I deserve. Jesus experienced pain and rejection in this world and ultimately died on a cross in my place! Because of this sacrifice, I can approach God in confidence, knowing that I am loved and accepted.

     Through this experience, I have found a new freedom – freedom to be myself and freedom from that roller coaster of success and failure. I do succeed and I do fail, but now those moments don’t define who I am. I do not have to find my value in what others think of me, or in trying to please God. I am already valued and loved because of what Jesus did for me when He died on the cross. I am now free to take off my mask because I know that God truly loves the real me.

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