Sarah's Story

     

      I have always wanted to belong somewhere. For as long as I can remember, I looked to so many different people to give me a sense of belonging. I tried to fit in and be like everyone else. I never really thought about who I was or what I wanted. When I didn’t feel like I belonged to one group, I went to another. Even with so many people around me, I never really felt accepted or loved with any of them. I was so insecure and unsure about who I was. No one gave me the love, acceptance, and belonging that I was looking for, and I felt a constant pressure to change myself. I made impossibly high expectations for myself to make up for insecurity. I never really believed that people loved me because how could they love someone they didn’t know and who I didn’t even know?

     I grew up in a wonderful, Christian home. We went to church every Sunday, and I always heard about God and his love for me. For as long as I can remember, I heard the story of Jesus coming to this earth and dying for my sins. But for the longest time, that amazing story was just a story to me, nothing more. I think because I heard the gospel of Jesus so much, I became desensitized to its significance. My whole life, I lived as I thought a Christian ought to without ever really understanding why. 
     It wasn’t until I came to college and started getting involved in Cru that I fully started to understand my faith. I began to understand how worthy God is of my life, love, and devotion. At my first Cru Winter Conference, I felt like my eyes were opened to my immense unworthiness of God’s gift of love and salvation. I saw with fresh eyes how beautiful it is that, while we were still in our sin, God sent his Son Jesus to us to pay the penalty for our sins and offer us life and hope. I grasped how great our God is, and I understood why I should live for him. I cannot thank my God in any other way than by honoring him and giving him control of my life.
      Knowing and understanding that God loves me and calls me into his kingdom makes me feel like I have a purpose. I am called to be loved by Him and love others in return. I no longer need to search for acceptance and belonging from other people because I am accepted and loved by the Creator of the Universe. I can let go of my perfectionist standards, because my Savior lived the perfect life that I never could (I’m still working on this one!). I still struggle with listening to what God says about me instead of believing the lies that I tell myself. But God always brings me back to his grace and goodness. As I go through the ups and downs of life, I am continually amazed by how good my God is. I love him more and more as I see Him at work in my life and in the lives of those around me. I will never understand how God can love us so much, but I will forever be thankful that He does!