Reforming My Identity

By: Ashley

    Who am I? It’s not a question I pondered often.  I always thought I knew exactly who I was.  I was the oldest child from a loving, Christian home.  I was definitely an over-achiever.  Everything in my life was running smoothly.  I had good grades, ran varsity cross-country, and had great friends.  I knew where I was heading in life and how I was going to get there.  But once those things were ripped from me one by one I realized how much I found my identity in those things.  Over the course of three years I had worked my way from the slowest member of the girls cross-country team to one of the top varsity runners.  I was so excited to be leading the pack during workouts.  I continued to improve that season of my junior year.  But my hopes of running the state meet that season disappeared without warning.  My coach made a poor decision, in my opinion, by giving my spot on the team to a younger, inexperienced runner who had yet to run a varsity meet and prove herself.  I was crushed.  I had never expected the person who reminded me of my great position on the team to remove that same thing from me.  No one understood how I felt.  Nothing like this happened to anyone else on the team before.  I felt so left out and separated from my team the rest of the season.  I soon realized that this was God’s way of stripping an idol in my life.  I had always described myself as a varsity runner, but I no longer had that title.  I realized how much time I had spent running and how little time I had spent with God and His Word.

           
        My senior year I made a radical decision.  After having my friends by my side for forever, I was choosing to go to a college six hours away from home, a college that none of them were going to.  Most of them would attend the same university as each other that next fall.  They would often discuss their future plans, which would give me a sense of loneliness.  I never knew how lonely I would feel until my family pulled out of the parking lot after I moved into college.  I felt myself standing at a crossroads: In the past I had been known as a cross-country runner, a friend, a dancer, a straight-A student, and a Christian.  No one in this new place knew anything about me.  I was now on my own.  Would I find my place with the partiers?  Would I find myself with the nerds?  Or would I find my identity in the Christian beliefs I had held since I was kid?  Was this my parents’ faith or my own?  I made a conscious decision by signing up for different Christian organizations on campus.  I realized that I truly wanted Jesus Christ in control of my life.  I understood that everything in this life is temporary, and only things for eternity will last.  As a believer, my identity is in Christ alone and nothing else.  Jesus Christ had come to earth to save people like me who have done wrong.  I accepted Christ as Lord over my life at a young age, but it wasn’t until I got to college that I fully surrendered my life to Him.  Galatians 2:20 says, “It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.  And the life that I now live I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”  God loves us so much He sent Jesus to die for us.  I truly believe that that is something worth living for.  Even though I lost my identity in superficial things, nothing gives me more satisfaction than knowing that I don’t need to care what other people think because God’s approval is the only thing that I need to seek after.  I think that God caused all of these things to happen for a reason to bring me in a closer relationship with Him.  Romans 8:28 tells us, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.”  It was a struggle to cope with the trials I experienced during high school.  But knowing that it was all part of God’s plan gives me joy knowing that I am exactly where He wants me to be.