Kamaya's Story

     Much of my life has been defined by my desire for control.  It started when I was a kid desiring to control other people’s thoughts and opinions of me and continued through high school where I desired to control my grades and how hard I worked in sports.   My desire for control continued with my plans to be married by 25 and have a baby by 30.  After a few years of marriage, Todd and I finally desired to start a family and in one year we had a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy.  My plans to have a baby by 30 were blowing up and I could not control it.  I was sad, mad, angry, and so frustrated that I had no control.

    It was during this season of wanting to grow our family that I realized my desire for control.  In the midst of my grief and anger I had no place else to turn except to God.  Each day as I spent time reading God’s Word I was reminded of how God loves me so much that He sent Jesus to die on the cross in my place so that I could be forgiven of my sin and experience relationship with Him.  As I was reminded of what Jesus has done for me, I realized that my desire for control was selfish and sinful and I slowly began to surrender my selfishness and my desire for control to God; asking for forgiveness of my sin and thanking God that Jesus paid for my sin on the cross.

    Surrendering my desire to control what my life looks like was not easy, I still deeply desired to have a baby.  However, since surrendering control I have grown to trust God and His plans for me.  I have experienced so much less stress and worry because even if I don’t have it all together, I can trust that God knows what He is doing.  God has blessed us with a beautiful daughter and His time for growing our family was perfect, but I have to daily remind myself what Jesus did for me on the cross to pay for my sin because every day I want to take back control of my life, even though allowing God to control it all is so much sweeter.  

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