My Protector


By: Tammy
    
     I have a big 10 lb Yorkie … He was only supposed to be 6 lbs., but he just kept growing … maybe because I named him, Thor.  He certainly has the ego of a super hero.   The other day, on one of our many walks, he started barking and pulling on the leash trying to attack a man walking toward us.  I pulled him into the grass to let the man pass us.  The guy laughed as he passed and commented, “You sure have a protector there!”   “Yes, I do,” I replied as I smiled to myself.

I have always wanted a protector.

     I have known what it is to be torn apart by the words of others.  One of my earliest memories of a friend is being dragged around by my scarf on the playground in kindergarten.   At other times, it’s the cruel words said in anger or pain … words that stuck and unfortunately became words that defined my worth and identity.  Perhaps even greater pain though resulted as I saw people stand by and watch what was happening and not step in to stop it.  My heart wrongly interpreted the silences as affirmation of the words that had been spoken that cut so deeply.   The message I have taken into my heart over and over again is, “Tammy, you just aren’t worth fighting for.”

     I’ve had a relationship with Jesus since I was a small child, and on some level, I’ve known God loves me.  Lately however, I have been thinking more deeply about what Jesus did for me.  Even though I have lived as an enemy of God by trying to run my own life, call the shots, and stipulate what God can control and what I need to control because I feel like I can’t trust Him, Jesus, God’s Son, has fought for me.   Even though I have used people to find a sense of worth rather than loving them, Jesus has fought for me.   Even amidst all of the rebellion in my heart, Jesus fought for me by going to the cross to take the punishment that I deserved for my sin … Jesus loves me and took the wrath of God in my place so I would be brought back to God in a right relationship with Him.  Imagine … Jesus … protecting me from the punishment that I actually deserved for all my sin, past, present and future … and now He lives always to advocate, a.k.a. fight for me, reminding the Father that even though I just sinned again, I am forgiven and pardoned because of His finished work on the cross.

     I still deal with insecurity … and some of the words people have spoken still mean too much and cause too much pain … but as I listen to Jesus’ words spoken over my life, I am more able to forgive people and release them from the unfair weight of needing to give my life value by how they treat me … their hurtful words or their silences.   I have a protector … not just a 10 lb. Yorkie named Thor … but an incredible loving God and Savior, Jesus.    As Tim Keller said, “The Only Eyes in the Universe that can see you to the bottom, love you to the skies.”   Now that is an amazing Protector.

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