My Story

     Much of my life has been defined by my desire for control.  It started when I was a kid desiring to control other people’s thoughts and opinions of me and continued through high school where I desired to control my grades and how hard I worked in sports.   My desire for control continued with my plans to be married by 25 and have a baby by 30.  After a few years of marriage, Todd and I finally desired to start a family and  in one year  we had a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy.  My plans to have a baby by 30 were blowing up and I could not control it.  I was sad, mad, angry, and so frustrated that I had no control.     It was during this season of wanting to grow our family that I realized my desire for control.  In the midst of my grief and anger I had no place else to turn except to God.  Each day as I spent time reading God’s Word I was reminded of how God ...

 High school was okay for me. I spent my time engaging in a lot of extracurricular activities, sports, academics, and established great relationships. I had some really good times, but I had some really bad times. I felt like I was constantly walking on shifting sand; whenever I thought I was grounded and in a good place, I kept losing my footing. Something was missing; I could feel it but it was just out of reach. I wanted to stay grounded, and find this security that I was lacking in my life. I think I looked for that comfort in those things I indulged in for some type of stability. But I was never satisfied.     Now, I knew the story of Jesus and some things that happened in the bible pretty much my whole life. I grew up in the church and I just casually accepted that it was true; almost just like it was a part of history, common knowledge. It was just kind of like, “Oh ok, cool,” and that was it. Every summer leading up to college, I attended this church cam...

            I have always wanted to belong somewhere. For as long as I can remember, I looked to so many different people to give me a sense of belonging. I tried to fit in and be like everyone else. I never really thought about who I was or what I wanted. When I didn’t feel like I belonged to one group, I went to another. Even with so many people around me, I never really felt accepted or loved with any of them. I was so insecure and unsure about who I was. No one gave me the love, acceptance, and belonging that I was looking for, and I felt a constant pressure to change myself. I made impossibly high expectations for myself to make up for insecurity. I never really believed that people loved me because how could they love someone they didn’t know and who I didn’t even know?      I grew up in a wonderful, Christian home. We went to church every Sunday, and I always heard about God and his love for me. For as long as I can remember, I he...