Finding Significance


 By: Naomi

    I’ve always felt like everything will be ok as long as I have people around me that love and support me. Because of my need to feel loved or supported, my whole life was always focused on getting people to like me or think highly of me. That way of life came crashing down in a way when I could not get this one person to like me. I tried everything to get this person to like me, and for whatever reason we just didn’t click. Before when someone didn’t really like me, I would always just say to myself, “its ok, they just don’t know me, or don’t understand me,” but this person knew me. They knew me pretty well, and they still did not like me. Around this same time, for whatever reason my room had a little bit of a stank to it. In hindsight it was probably because I hadn’t done laundry in a few weeks. My mom bought me a Scentsy for my room to make it smell a little bit better. I brought it back, plugged it in and I was so excited. Finally, my room was going to smell a little bit better! So I plugged it in and enjoyed the delicious smell. Then this person that didn’t like me very walked in and immediately said, “What is that? I can’t stand that,” and walked out. I don’t know why, but I feel like that was when I realized this person was never going to like me, and I was crushed. I was super confused as to what I was doing wrong.  How could I get this person to like me? I didn’t even stop to think of the way I was using this person to feel better about myself.
      
     I realized that this way of thinking, the way I find my significance in what other people think of me, is kind of the way I try to find significance with God. I just want Him to look at me and say, “Oh, look at Naomi! She is just so great. I like her!” Living that way is hard. It’s hard because then on days when I fail, or days that I struggle, it seems like then God isn’t as happy with me as he was before. It feels like he’s super disappointed in me, and like he’s saying, “Oh Naomi? Yeah, she’s ok I guess. I’m not a huge fan of her sometimes…” Life like that is full of ups and downs and ultimately I just can’t live up to it.

      I’ve almost always known that I am a sinner, and because of my sin I was separated from God and on the path to death. But God, because He loves me, sent His only Son to come to earth, live a perfect life, and then die in my place. Now because of what Jesus did, when God looks at me on a good day or a bad day, He doesn’t see my sin and my failures; He looks at me and sees His Son and how Jesus lived the perfect life replacing my faulty one. He looks at me and says, “I love you and I’m a huge fan of you, Naomi. Not because of the things you’ve done but because of what Jesus did for you.”
     
     So now, I still struggle with trying to find my significance in other people and what they think of me. The difference is now I know that that hole I keep trying to fill with acceptance and the way that other people perceive me is already full at the end of the day. Jesus filled that hole in my heart when he died on the cross for my sins. Trying to shove more acceptance on top of the hole isn’t going to change the fact that God loves me and accepts me, it just makes it harder for me to focus on Him and rest in His acceptance. The good news is He loves me even though I screw up, and I can focus on finding my significance in Christ alone.

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