Finding Acceptance
By: Katie
In high school I felt like I was one of those people who had
it all. Labeled a “good” girl, I was second in my class, had a great group of
friends, and was over-involved with every organization that my small town had
to offer. I had a family that loved me, and I grew up going to church and
learning all about the love of God. Life was so good! After graduation, I could
only imagine what college had in store for me. As with most freshmen, I wasn’t
really sure of what to expect upon coming to college. I was looking to make new friends, succeed in
school, but most of all have a good time. I couldn’t wait!
It was weird when I
found out the freedom I was longing for didn’t exactly meet my expectations. I
thought I had everything I wanted, and easily found my value in so many new things-
friends, partying, grades, and boys. I was having fun right? I was finally
finding my place in college, but for some reason nothing was really satisfying.
I didn’t get it. Every good grade, new friend, date, or party I ran to only
left me wanting more.
I can remember the feeling of waking up after a night of
partying and not remembering most of the night before, which was a new thing
for me. After my friends woke up, I heard all of the stories about how much fun
the night was and we laughed at all of my drunken moments, which always made me
believe the night was a success. But for some reason this time that feeling of
guilt in the pit of my stomach just wouldn’t leave me alone. That uncertainty I
noticed was there for a lot of other things too, but most of the time it was a
lot easier to cover up. On the outside I had it all together, but on the inside
I was feeling more lost and insecure than ever before. Without realizing it, I
was desperately depending on others to be accepted while deep down I couldn’t
even accept myself.
It wasn’t because of the fact that I had just set my “good
Christian values” aside, which in fact I had, but it turned out I was lacking
so much more. Everything I was
desperately searching for in college- acceptance, security, and intimacy- I
could only find in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. While I was so
busy pursuing everything this world had to offer, Jesus was desperately pursuing
my heart. And He is the only thing that satisfies. I was stuck in a world that tells you you’ll
never be good enough unless you strive for something. The truth is, they’re
right- we are all weak, sinful people and bound to fail…We’ll never be good
enough. Not by the world’s standards or
by God’s standards. But the thing is we don’t have to be! The God of the
universe has created me perfectly in his image and loves me more than I could
ever imagine. He loves me so much that even though I continue to sin and
separate myself from Him, he still sent his perfect son to take the weight of
my sin and die in my place. He is good enough so that I don’t have to be.
Life isn’t about trying for some impossible form of
perfection or experiencing everything this world has to offer us. Because the
truth is it that while life on earth can be great, the world can never offer us
what we really need- a savior. After letting Jesus back into my life and
surrendering all control to him, I have experienced more freedom and enjoyment
than ever before. God’s shown me how to embrace my imperfections while admiring
the work that He has begun in me, and there is so much freedom in that.
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